


Catch the Wind

by Hastings1066



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel
Genre: Altered Memories, America 1960s, BuckyNat Secret Santa, Drug Use, F/M, Hippies, Memory Loss, The Winter Soldier dislikes Hippies, Vomit, acid trip, special brownies, tie dye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 12:29:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5666089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hastings1066/pseuds/Hastings1066
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Its the Sixties and drugs are like candy. Or brownies presented on homemade ceramic plates from the local war protest</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catch the Wind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Teetassenwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teetassenwolf/gifts).



> *I know fandom likes using the names "Yakov" or "Yasha" as Bucky's name during his time as the Winter Soldier, but I really like the name "Vladimir" so that is what I'm using.  
> And so, here is my gift for Teetassenwolf, I hope you enjoy it. The title was inspired by the 1965 song "Catch the Wind" by Donovan

**Washington D.C., Summer 1968**

 

Well, of all the things Vladimir* was expecting to see when he got back to the hotel, the Black Widow sitting on the edge of one of the twin beds staring at her hand as if it was the most beautiful thing in the world, was not one of them. And if that wasn't enough, tears were streaming down her face and a smile had lit up her whole face. (She had good teeth and lips that looked like they were soft, he noticed)

Vladimir locked the hotel door and slowly took a step towards her. She didn't seem to notice. He took another step and cleared his throat. Still, nothing. Finally, he walked over to the bed and sat down in front of her.

Beside Natalia, was a plate of brownies on a homemade ceramic plate and a thermos. Tentatively, Vladimir reached across and rested his hand on Natalia's. That got her attention.

She slowly looked up and defying all logic, her smile grew even bigger. “Hey,” she said softly, sounding....not quite there. Vladimir smiled back and licked his lips, suddenly nervous.

“Hey,” he said back and moved to sit beside her. Natasha fell against his side and went back to staring her left hand. “Natalia, are you...is your....Are you feeling OK? You were supposed to spend the day with Molly, did anything happen?”

She shook her head. “I feel, great. No, better than great, the colors are everywhere, Vlad. Do you have any peanut butter?”

He felt his sink heart into his stomach when Natalia said his Russian name; she had never done that before. Not on assignment. And all of the training of the Red Room had assured him that it never would happen.

“Sorry, no.” he said weakly and Natalia returned her attention back to her hand. Vladimir waited a moment, trying to organize his thoughts before asking her anything else. “What are you looking at?” he finally said Natalia just smiled.

“The colors." she replied. "Molly wanted color and her friend gave it to both of us. I didn't realize....its not just red, its not just red, gold, and gray. Why was everything gray before?” Her face fell suddenly and her hand dropped. Her breathing changed, becoming short and shallow. Her eyes widened and she began casting her gaze around the room, as if the shadows were about to pounce.

Quickly, Vladimir dropped to his knees in front of her and grasped Natalia's hands in his. She gasped and tried to pull away, her teeth chattering and her breath now harsh and ragged. Shit, this was not good. “Natalia, Black Widow.” he said, trying to get her attention. It worked, barley.

“Look at me and breathe.” Vladimir took a deep breathe and Natalia struggled to do the same. He inhaled again and Natalia managed a little better this time. Again and again, until finally, the panicked look in Natalia's eyes began to fade.

Vlad smiled and let go of her hands. “Keep breathing deep, like the instructors taught you, I'm going to get you some water,” he said and Natalia just nodded. Vladimir walked over to the desk and grabbed one of the complimentary coffee mugs. He cursed himself for not picking up any tea when had had passed the grocer's.

Vladimir turned on the bathroom sink and began to think. How had this happened? He had only worked with Natalia once before, and she had been the model of efficiency and professionalism, completing her role to perfection. This time had been no different. The last he had seen her was earlier in the day, when she had gone off with her mark, the teenage daughter of the ambassador to West Germany.

From what Natalia had reported back, the mark, Molly, was a free-spirit who enjoyed pissing her often absent parents. Natalia had recently introduced her to one of the anti-nuclear peace movements and suggested the Molly begin bringing copies of whatever important files her father brought home from work. So far, the girl had played her part to perfection.

Suddenly, there was hoarse cough and the sound of Natalia vomiting. Vladimir ran out of the bathroom, water sloshing all over his left hand. Natalia had fallen to the ground, her hair and front covered in vomit. She began coughing again and Vladimir lunged at her.

“All right then,” he began and hauled to Natalia to her feet. She began dry heaving and Vladimir rushed her to the bathroom. Too late; Natalia heaved and the next thing Vladimir knew, he was and Natalia were covered in what looked like brownies and popcorn. 

“Molly made a new friend who likes to bake. His ingredients are secret.” she moaned, the first coherent thing Vladimir had heard out of her all evening. He took her to the bathroom and helped her kneel in front of the toilet. Natalia continued to vomit and Vladimir did his best to keep her hair out of the way and make sure her head was aimed at the bowl. Natalia heaved for several minutes, and went still.

“Not the first.” She was so quiet, he almost missed it. “What was that?” he asked gently. “Not the first, or the second.” Natalia said and looked up. Her face was pale and splotchy, and her eyes seemed to be staring straight into his core.

“We've done this dance before, so have they, so has Ivan. We'll keep doing it, too. Dance and dance until the lightning-” Natalia heaved again and this time, Vladimir could smell bile. He helped Natalia lean back against the tub and after flushing the toilet, pressed a cup of water into her hands. “Lightning, lightning in my veins,” she whispered. “Yours too, more than mine could ever stand.” She let out a sob and the cup slipped from her grasp and onto the floor.

Vladimir sighed and set it on the counter. Quickly, he leaned over Natalia and turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature until it was warm. “Can you stand?” he asked and Natalia nodded. On shaking legs, she began to stand, only to collapse a few moments later. Vladimir caught her and helped her into the bathtub. She sat down beneath the stream of water and star at her feet. Slowly, the vomit washed out of her hair and off of most of her clothes.

Vladimir sat back, to take a breath, only to realize that his shirt was ruined. He glanced over at Natalia, she was staring straight ahead at the tap. Vladimir figured the worst of it had past and left the bathroom to change. He quickly unbuttoned his shirt and threw it to the ground. He slipped a semi-clean shirt over his head and pulled a bottle of whiskey out of his bag.

One of the Black Panthers had given it to him as “Thank You” for getting him and his wife out of trouble with the cops. Now was as good a time as any for a drink. He broke the seal and took a long, deep, drink. Vladimir rubbed his eyes and took several deep breaths. What the fuck had happened? He had seen her go off with Molly and her friends, same as she had for the past couple months. He doubted that Molly or anyone else in her circle of friends was dangerous but.... Vladimir glance over at the bed. Natalia had mentioned that one of Molly's friends liked to bake and used ''secret'' ingredients.

A light went on and Vladimir went over to the bed to inspect the innocuous looking treat. They looked normal enough, but American brats loved their drugs, and it wouldn't surprise him if this 'friend' had decided to take his next trip to another level. Fucking Christ, he hated hippies. It was probably the one thing he and the majority of the American public could agree on. They were lazy brats with no work ethic besides sitting around in circles, singing stupid, badly written songs; convinced it would actually do something. If they were the future of America, no wonder the politicians were so scared. Vladimir scowled and threw the brownies, plate and all, into the trash, then went back to check on Natalia.

She had not moved, but she was whimpering and rocking back and forth. Vladimir rushed to her side and squeezed her hand. She lifted her head slightly then quickly shut her eyes. “The walls,” she whispered. “The walls are...melting.” Vladimir pressed his left hand against her cheek and lifted her head.

“Let's get you out of these clothes and we'll take it one step at a time from there.” he said softly. “I know you feel like shit, but keep taking deep breaths, you'll be fine.” He helped her up into a kneeling position and began to pull off her shirt, one those ridiculously baggy shirts that had been dyed with an obscene amount of color. Natalia giggled and leaned back against the tub wall. “You're so nice,” she said. “I'm remembering that, from the last times. Lots of trust and nice,” Natalia smiled and giggled again, before she reached down and began to struggle with the button on her shorts.

Something prickled at the back of Vladimir's mind, but he quickly pushed it away. _This is the drugs talking,_ he told himself. There was nothing more to her ramblings.

 

“Would you like some help?” he asked, after waiting several minutes for Natalia to undress herself.

 

“Nyet,” she said and Vladimir scowled at her. “English, I don't care how fucked up you are right now.” Natalia flinched and looked at the wall, going very still. Suddenly, she began to rock back and forth, and once again, her breaths became short and ragged. “The walls-” she began but Vladimir cut her off. “I know,” he said softly.

He turned off the shower and helped Natalia undress. Something told him that this was only the beginning of a very long night.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

At first, Natalia had felt nothing.

 

She was floating in the dark and nothing existed. But, slowly, the darkness became thick and suffocating and pinpricks of light begged to be let in.

Natalia frowned and tried to push it away, but that only made things worse. She tried to swallow but her mouth was dry as cotton and her throat felt like sandpaper. Panic set in as Natalia tried to move, but that quickly faded as pain exploded in her head. It felt like someone had taken a drill and was pressing it into her temple. She went still and took several deep breaths, just like the Red Room had taught her.

It helped, somewhat, and the pain in her head slowly became bearable. Natalia lay in the dark for several minutes, just breathing, before she tried opening her eyes.

“Well, _good morning starshine_ , the earth says hello*.”

Natalia opened her eyes and looked around the room, her headache returning in full force.

Vladimir stood by the open door, his arms full of grocery bags. Natalia raised her hand to her eyes, the sunlight nearly blinding her. Vladimir laughed and walked over to his bed, leaving the door wide open.

“I take it you're not feeling well right now.” he said sarcastically and Natalia groaned. “Shut up,” she muttered. “Or drop sarcasm and tell me what happened.”

 

Natalia forced herself up and the world spun violently. She clutched the blankets around her and took a single, deep breath to steady herself. Vladimir began laughing and mercifully, shut the door, before walking over to her.

“Here, drink this. You spent the night vomiting, that's probably why you have a headache.” Natalia looked up and took the thermos Vladimir was offering her. She opened it and took a small sip.

It was tea, he had made her good Russian tea. Or the closest thing he could get his hands on in the United States. Natalia took several more small sips and the headache began to recede. Vladimir shut the door and began unloading the bags he had brought with with him. Some of it was groceries, but most of it was laundry. Specifically, her laundry.

 

What had happened last night? The last thing she remembered was being with Molly and the child of another prominent business man with connections to several senators. They had been discussing the moral depravity of their parents and while Natalia had been nodding and agreeing in sympathy, she had been taking note of all and storing it away for later use, until.....Until Molly invited another one of her seemingly endless supply of friends over and he had passed out a plate of brownies.

How many had she scarfed down? Why had she? From their, Natalia's memory became shaky and...colorful?

 

Well, fuck, fuck, and fuck.

 

She didn't remember everything, but she remembered enough. Natalia's faced burned with embarrassment; This was only the second time she had worked with the Winter Soldier, and she had hoped to keep working with him. Unlike some of the others she had worked with in her admittedly short career a with the KGB, he had viewed asking her opinion and taking it seriously as something that was perfectly natural.

More than that, she felt oddly comfortable turning her back to him. That had not been the case with some (just one) and Natalia felt her gut clench. If this got back to their superiors....Well.

That would be the end of this. Natalia finished her tea and looked up at Vladimir. “I don't know what to say,” she finally said. Vladimir shrugged and sat down across from her. “You don't have to say anything,” he said and handed her a package of crackers and some lunch meat.

“Honestly, I'm surprised this hasn't happened sooner. Those brats pass drugs and god knows what else around like candy. You can't be aware at all times, that's why you have a partner.”

Something besides worry made her heart clench and like a coward, Natalia looked down at the thermos in hr hands. It was then she realized she was wearing his clothing.

What the hell had been in those brownies?

Natalia looked up and Vladimir smiled. Something pricked at the back of her mind, she had seen him do that before. Not on their first assignment together in Romania, but somewhere. She wasn't sure where.

“You threw up on all of your clothing,” he explained. “Don't worry, I went out and did laundry while you slept.” Natalia nodded, her chest growing even tighter.

She didn't know what to say or do.

 

Her superior wasn't angry, in fact, he only accepted what had happened with understanding and good humour. Most others in the chain of command would not have been so forgiving.

 

So, instead, she lay back on the bed and threw up the peace sign. “Righteous,” she said. “You're a groovy dude, you know that?”

Vladimir chuckled and Natalia bit her her lip. "You should take a few days off,” he said and Natalia lifted her head, surprised. “You have done everything the Center* has asked and more, and think it would be best if you took some time to recuperate before going back out. Molly's a sweet girl, she'll understand if you need some time.”

Natalia sat up, her stomach muscles aching in protest. “All right,” she agreed cautiously. “What else happened last night? Did I say or do anything” she asked, suddenly nervous.

“You went on and on about the various colors and how the walls were melting. And how I was such a pretty shade of blue. For the most part, you seemed to be enjoying yourself. But then you, you started saying the walls were melting. And you threw up on me Twice.” he smiled and winked at her but there was a slight hitch in his voice and Natalia knew he was keeping something back.

She swallowed her misgivings and grabbed a cracker and some meat and quickly ate it. If he was keeping something back it was probably for the best. “I'm staying in today, I need a break after last night. You should probably get some more sleep too.” Vladimir stretched and kicked off his shoes.

He did look tired and Natalia had suddenly remembered him holding her around the waist as she vomited. She ate a few more crackers and glanced at the clock. It was after eleven, how long had he been up? Natalia looked back up at Vladimir and for the first time noticed the dark circles underneath his eyes.

She lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, the headache was back and she felt empty in ways she couldn't explain. The previous night was coming back to her in bits and pieces, and while too much of it was still missing, the one thing that stood out was Vladimir. He had been there with her the whole time.

Natalia bit her lip and shifted onto her side. Vladimir had changed and walked over to open curtains and shut them as tightly as he could before getting into his own bed. Natalia wanted to sleep, but found she couldn't. She stared at Vladimir's back and tried to remember what else had happened. There wasn't much to go on. The only thing that really stood out to Natalia was a sense that she had gone somewhere.

Well, her mind had, her body hadn't. She had seen something Molly and her friends do something like that a few times, mostly with positive results, but sometimes.... Sometimes things went wrong. Natalia remembered one young man who lived in a commune she and Molly had stayed at during a war protest had been curled up on the ground for hours insisting the grass was trying to eat him and the walls were melting.

Melting walls.

That triggered something and Natalia felt her gut clench. Everything had been going to hell and Vladimir had kept her steady. There was something else too, something that she had been trying to say that the drugs had shown her. It was there on the tip of her tongue but Natalia couldn't remember. She took a deep breath and began working backwards.

The drugs had shown her a kaleidoscope of color and seeped deep into her mind. It had forced her to remember things she had not thought of in years, especially when Vladimir had returned and held her hand. But what had been so familiar about that? This was only the first time they had worked together, and the first time, a mission to rural Romania, they had barley spoken a word to each. But, no. That wasn't right at all.

Natalia glanced over Vladimir. His back was turned to her and he was fast asleep. They had worked together before, but when? The Center and the Red Room would.....Would what exactly?

( _They never tell you anything, a nasty, traitorous voice whispered.)_

Natalia sat up and headed into the bathroom and shut the door. She leaned against the door and took several deep breaths. She turned and looked at the mirror, the gaunt, pale women that looked back was a stranger. Natalia turned on the sink and splashed some water on her face.

The drugs were still in her system, she told herself. That's why you're acting like this. And The Directorate would never lie about something like this, whatever it was she was feeling or remembering was probably a result of being away from home for so long.

Yes, that was it.

That was all. Feeling slightly better about things, Natalia walked out of the bathroom and into the darkened room. Vladimir had shifted onto his stomach, his metal arm flung up above his head.

Seeing him like that knocked something loose in her mind and a memory came back, filling the room with a cold winter wind, as if it had happened yesterday. She remembered curling up beside him in a bed no bigger than this one here and while it was cramped they were together.

What the fuck was going on?

Natalia was frozen her place, her skin was cold despite the humid heat and she felt like throwing up. A thousand questions bubbled up to the surface, begging to be asked but Natalia ignored them.

Once asked, there would be no going back.

She couldn't do that, not now.

But one question in particular kept pushing: **What does he know**?

 

“What aren't you telling me?”the words slipped out before Natalia could stop them and hung in the air.

 

Vladimir started and bolted up. He frowned at her and rubbed his eyes. “What's wrong?” he asked, his voice rough with sleep.

When a superior gives an order, do it, it doesn't matter how outrageous or silly it seems. Her old mentor's voice rattled about her head and Natalia swallowed her misgivings and went to sit on her bed.

“Natalia, answer me; What is wrong?”

Natalia shook her head. “I....I don't know.” she whispered. “I'm remembering what I saw, last night and... it's messing everything up. The drugs, they made me see, think, that we've worked together before.”

Vladimir frowned. “We did,” he said. “In Romania,”

“No, before that. I don't think that was the first time.”

Just saying it aloud gave the thought power and Natalia remembered how anxious the Red Room seemed both before and after. At the time, she had assumed it was because Vladimir was the Winter Soldier and she was only a Black Widow.

Now, she was not so sure. Now, she knew it something else that was making them worried. The panic she had been trying to hold at bay was pushing through and it was all she could do to stay calm. Vladimir was watching her with a look of concern on his face and he hesitantly reached out to take her hand in his. He was warm and Natalia couldn't help but wish he would never let go.

“Hey, listen to me.” he began, his tone gentle, but not patronizing. “I don't know what it was you took, but whatever is going on, it's probably just that. Some of that shit is fun at first, but some drugs can cause paranoia. Try to sleep and later we'll go out. If that doesn't work, we'll look into together, OK?”

He sounded so sincere that Natalia's throat clenched and she squeezed his hand. For all the horror stories surrounding the Winter Soldier, Natalia doubted that anyone at the Red Room would do what he was doing for her right now. Perhaps that was why he was considered the best in the Union.

But, despite his words, she couldn't seem to shake the feeling that something was wrong here.

Instead, she said nothing and pulled Vladimir over to her bed and pressed herself against him.

“Stay with me?” she whispered. “Please, just for right now.”

Vladimir hesitated, but wrapped his arms around her and carefully began shifting them around until they were both under the covers. Natalia shut her eyes and sighed.

He didn't know anything was wrong, she was sure of that.

But Natalia did, and she doubted she would be able to let it go. But that was for another time. For now, all she wanted was sleep, and with Vladimir's arms wrapped tightly around her, Natalia did.

**Author's Note:**

> *"The Center" refers to the hierarchy of the KGB and thus, the Red Room. In my mind, they are part of the same whole and only changed names after USSR fell.


End file.
